Conduct At Church - Helpful Tips

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Preparing for Church

Until recent times, all Christian people knew going to pray at Church was treated as going to God’s house. This approach caused one to treat Church attendance with even more importance than going to our neighbor’s house, more important than an audience with a nobleman or king. We go to God’s house! This means our attitude, behavior, and presentation are all at their finest.

We should be prepared spiritually. We should have done our prayer rule. If we are going to liturgy, we should have said the pre communion prayers, followed the fasting rules, be recently confessed, and at peace with others.

We make sure we are clean. Cleanliness has always been a virtue. We are well-bathed, and not stinky. This would distract others from prayer and communicate to God and others that we do not care to give God the best of ourselves. Men’s hair is short and beards are cut and well-trimmed. Women’s hair is brushed. We brush our teeth, especially before the Eucharist. We put on fine and clean clothes. Many people in our American past had clothes which were the “Sunday best” that were an investment and kept in pristine condition. This communicates to God we give Him our best, as He commands in the Scripture.

Not only are the clothes fine and clean but they are modest. Men wear a nice button-up long sleeved shirt (with no more than the top button unbuttoned), nice pants, and nice shoes (these are the minimum). Women need to wear loose clothing with long sleeves and a long skirt. Women must also wear a head-covering in obedience to the Scripture and the rest of our Tradition. To appear immodest is an offence to the angels joining us in prayer. For men, t-shirts, shorts, jeans are out of the question. For women, exposed legs, bosom, shoulders, and other areas along with tight clothing for women are completely inappropriate.
Perfumes and colognes would be a distraction to prayer and immodest so they should not be worn. Jewelry can also be a distraction so should be extremely limited and not attracting attention. Makeup is traditionally not recommended in the house of God since it violates a humble attitude which pleases God. Lipstick should never be applied before going to Church.

As we head to the Church we should remember a few things. We have prepared ourselves with our private prayers and so we come to the Church to pray together in our communal prayers. We do not simply attend the services but we ourselves pray in them too. We have the responsibility as “the people” when executing our services (we must be praying to give the Amen along with all the other prayers specifically for the people). The prayers are to bring us to repentance so we make the prayers of the Church our own prayer. We also should show up a few minutes before the service to pray some private prayers, venerate the icons, and get situated (if more than one service is offered, e.g. Orthros/Matin and Liturgy, we show up a few minutes before the first service). Arriving late tells God and others we do not make him much of a priority and most importantly it distracts people from prayer who have showed up on time. Lastly, there is value of silence in our Tradition (hesychia). We should not be talking, laughing, or overly loud in during the prayers. For example, if prayers are being offered remember we do not have a blessing to chat at any time. If the post-communion prayers are being read and you did not commune, there is still no blessing to talk. One can leave the nave, but while in the nave, there is quietude.

Arriving at Church

The moment we pass by an Orthodox Church or Orthodox monastery, or enter their land, we cross ourselves upon entry to the grounds, remembering we have come onto a consecrated place holy unto God. When we arrive at Church, as we are entering the doors: we cross ourselves and then should say the following prayer:

“I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy: and in thy fear I will worship toward thy holy temple. Lead me, O Lord, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before me, that with a clear mind I may glorify thee forever, One Divine Power worshipped in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.”

We then pay for some candles. We light our candles and pray for help on the things that concern us. We makes sure no one (especially children) are playing with the candles or the sand. Even if not our own children, we can tell them to find their parents and help these parents by sparing the family any trouble or embarrassment. We then venerate the icon at the center of the Church. If on a day of the cross (even if a Sunday), we do three prostrations before it. Anything besides the cross, we can do three metanoias. A metanoia is when we make the sign of the cross upon our self, then bow with our right hand just touching the floor, then stand upright again, and that is one metanoia. When at the icon we do two metanoias, kiss the icon, then do the final third metanoia. When we kiss the icon, we should kiss the feet of the one depicted, or the clothes, or the hair, or if the one depicting is offering the sign of a blessing, we kiss their hand. We should not kiss the lips or face if we can avoid it.

After having venerated the icon at the center of the Church, we go and venerate the icon of Christ, which should be directly to the left of the icon at the center. Before the icon of Christ we offer this prayer:

“We reverence thy spotless Icon, O gracious Lord, and ask forgiveness of our transgressions, O Christ our God: for of thine own good will thou wast pleased to ascend the Cross in the flesh, that thou mightest deliver from bondage to the enemy those whom thou hadst fashioned. Wherefore, we cry aloud unto thee: thou hast filled all things with joy, O our Saviour, for thou didst come to save the world.”

After saying the prayer, we offer three metanoias in the same fashion as mentioned earlier. Following the veneration of Christ’s icon, we venerate the icon of the Theotokos. As we move across the Church we should stop at the center of the Church, face the altar, and do a small bow, or cross ourselves with head lowered, or a metanoia. Once at the icon of the Theotokos we offer this prayer:

“Forasmuch as thou art a well-spring of tenderness, O Theotokos, make us worthy of compassion; Look upon a sinful people; Manifest thy power as ever, for hoping on thee we cry aloud unto thee: Hail! as once did Gabriel, Chief Captain of the Bodiless Powers.”

We then quietly proceed to a place where we will stand as the service begins. Standing is the proper position for prayer and sitting should generally be avoided. Traditionally and still in the monasteries, woman and small children only are on the left (facing the icon of the Theotokos) and men only are on the right (facing the icon of Christ).

During the Services

There is usually much activity during the services, so it is important to be attentive. As we just mentioned, standing is the only proper position for prayer at Church. Sitting is a spectator behavior and not appropriate when addressing the Almighty
God enthroned in heaven. We do not put hands in our pockets or lean against the walls or slouch. We maintain a stance of attention.

These following points may be overwhelming for a newcomer wanting to fully participate, but that should not concern him. As one grows close to the Church and is uniting himself to the services, a sensitivity accumulates to varying degrees of solemnity that exist in our services. At some point, the sensitivity will reach a degree that all this becomes subconscious (but don’t let it become subconscious in a bad way).

Our participation in the services includes making the sign of the Cross or metanoia.

We do a cross and/or metanoia when:

However, there are times when we should not cross ourselves. This is when:

Here are the times when we should bow during the services, such as when:

We do prostrations during certain times in the services. These occur when:

At this point a few serious errors should be mentioned. These have to do with assuming the prerogative of the clergy that has occurred in some parishes. These are twofold, (1) the raising of hands at anytime in liturgical services and (2) the saying of an “Amen” in the Epiclesis. Concerning both, the Church defines the activity during Her liturgical services and these are followed to keep good order in the Church. Everyone, including the bishop is under strict obedience to these dogmatic texts of our Church. Everyone follows what they say and does not do what they do not say. There is some variances for pious practices but these are defined in this handout.

The issue of the raising of hands by lay people is totally inappropriate. This is done out of emotion and fervency (strictly inappropriate for our “rational worship”) by the laymen. You see this behavior in the chaotic services of the Protestants but it is inappropriate for Orthodoxy. For liturgical worship, the rubrics say when hands are to be raised to God. The rubrics say when the priest is to raise hands and he should raise both hands. The rubrics say when the deacon is to raise hands and he should
raise one hand. The rubrics never say the laymen should raise their hands. This erroneous practice seems to occur most during the Our Father or “let us lift up our hearts”. At home, this fervency may be acceptable; however, in communal worship it
is not.

The other inappropriate act of misplaced piety is laymen saying the “Amen” during the priest’s consecration prayers with the decent of the Holy Spirit. These prayers are strictly the sacramental responsibility of the clergy and a layman saying “amen”
during these prayers is an audacious usurpation of clerical prayers. The rubrics specifically point to how the laymen participate in these consecration prayers. The laymen have their own role specifically for their involvement during the decent of the
Holy Spirit. This is the quiet singing of the “We praise Thee...” hymn called for during the epiclesis. Some innovative rubrics specifically state that they should be separated but this move is a gross error done out of ignorance. This hymn very closely echoes the priest’s prayers so it does not even make sense to separate them from each other.

One last point, when we line up, for venerating, or processions, or communion, there is an order to this. The Church is hierarchical and not a mob, so when we line up the clergy are first (bishops, priests, then deacons). Following them are those ordained for service (readers, then acolytes), normally the choir might fall in place here. Then (especially in monasteries) the men followed by the woman and small children). The only common exception to this would be acolytes leading a procession or (to keep the service moving) a reader or choir member jumps into the line at various places.

During Communion

At the pre-communion prayer “I believe, O Lord, and I confess...” starts, some parishes or monasteries may have a period to venerate icons. This is the last opportunity to venerate icons, or relics, or anything else before communion.

As we line up for communion we should cross our arms over our chest with our hands at our shoulders and our right arm over our left arm. Thus holding the sign of the cross over us. If one makes three metanoias before the chalice make sure there is plenty of room to avoid any tripping or hitting those holding the Precious Gifts or hitting the chalice itself! For this reason, some places just avoid the metanoias altogether.

Priests generally like it when one will firmly close their mouth over the spoon holding the Body and Blood of the Lord. To keep the mouth open makes the priest have to move, and jerk, and flip the Gifts which is more distressing than someone who decisively closes their mouth and removes the entire content of the Gifts from the spoon.

During communion, the true Body and Blood of the Lord is among us and nothing else is venerated. This is done for honor towards the Lord. Besides the cessation of veneration out of respect to the real presence of the Lord among us, we do not partake
of His Body and Blood then start kissing anything to leave trace elements in places the priest may not know about. The only appropriate action to take after partaking of the Body and Blood of the Lord is to eat some blessed bread that will allow any remaining traces of the Body and Blood to be consumed. This means the chalice is not kissed (there should be no question of trace elements of the Precious Gifts outside the chalice). The priest’s hand should certainly not be kissed (the priest cannot deal with any trace elements on his hand the whole time people come up to commune and he cannot pause the liturgy to clean his hands after the people have left some possible elements of the Lord’s Body and Blood on his hand). There should be no kissing of icons or relics or anything else. To follow up and clean up after all the kissing would be an avoidable extra burden on those who care for the icons. Again, with the Body and Blood of the Lord among His people, this alone is a reason for kissing after communing to be avoided, but it naturally follows this is a problem when the practice
is occurring by anyone.

When we take the blessed bread after communing, we should take great care to not drop any crumbs. This bread is blessed. For it to fall to the floor and be trampled upon shows great disrespect, disdain, and carelessness towards the good things God gives to us. Parents should be attentive to their children and makes sure the bread is not nibbled and instead eaten all at the same time. If it is a large piece, then it should be eaten in as few bites as possible, collecting any crumbs in one’s palm to eat after
consuming the main substance of the bread. If a family has many children, then those with fewer or none, should be attentive to the children in all these things. If they do not help a child in this instruction when they can, they too will be held accountable
for not taking care of the things made sacred by God.

The Dismissal

When one arrives at the Church to pray, no one has a blessing to leave the prayers until the priest gives us a blessing. If arrangements need to be made beforehand with the priest, that is acceptable. But unless this is the case, we only leave after the
Dismissal prayers and a personal blessing from the priest. When we receive the priests blessing, we approach him, bow, kiss the cross, then his hand holding it, bow again and move on to take some blessed bread. Some places, the priest will be distributing the blessed bread. In this case, we approach the priest, bow, make a cup with both our hands with our right hand on top of our left, he will put the bread in our hand, we kiss his hand, make a small bow, then move on.

If one is prepared with fasting and confession, but cannot receive communion, then after the Dismissal and personal blessing, they can go get some Antidoron and Holy Water.

As we mentioned earlier and briefly, when the post-communion prayers are read (which is normally done quietly) then we should not be talking, catching up, or greeting others. When there are prayers we absolutely do not interrupt them or replace them with our unimportant words. This is true for any of the clergy, readers, and therefore, certainly of us. When we prepare to leave the nave, we do so quietly, even if no prayers are offered. As we approach the doors we pray,

“Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word: for mine eyes have seen thy salvation, which thou hast prepared before the face of all people; a light to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel.”

At the doors, we then face the altar in reverence, do a metanoia, then turn and leave.

The final point to make regarding all these things, is many parishes, jurisdictions, and cultures handle these things differently. These are the popular practices in traditional parishes among Greek-American and Antiochian-American churches. Orthodoxy is rarely so uniform and rigid in the details of its liturgical life. So, general and helpful advice when at any parish is to find a few towards the front and are attentive then mimic these few people.